


i don't know how to tell you this (but i think my heart's made a little space for you)

by taoslefteyelid



Category: EXO (Band), Z.Tao (Musician)
Genre: Canon Compliant, EVERYONE WISH ALU OKAY !!!, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Thought I'd mention that, [excited chanting] ALU DAY ALU DAY ALU DAY, and i think that u will enjoy that. so here u go., happy birthday to alu !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love u so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!, happy ending though !!! dw, humbly present this little taohun fluffpiece canon au to u, im not evil, it's also sehun's birthday at one point in this btw, on alu's birthday too !, rolls eyes ugh how dare cute taohun be cute, there is some angst but also they are so in love, they're super gross in it just so fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29710695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taoslefteyelid/pseuds/taoslefteyelid
Summary: A case study of five important "no"s in the course of Zitao and Sehun knowing each other.
Relationships: Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Oh Sehun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	i don't know how to tell you this (but i think my heart's made a little space for you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MlNMOONGlE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MlNMOONGlE/gifts).



> HELLO EVERYONE before i start off w the usual beginning note things go wish alu happy birthday !!! like rn !!! do it !!!
> 
> OKAY now that we've covered that sdhjfakjsd happy birthday alu !!! i hope u like these dumb dumbs being dumb on main :( thought u'd enjoy a little anthology of taohun moments??? i love u and i hope u enjoy !!!
> 
> and everyone else who isn't alu, i hope u guys enjoy too !!! but only after u wish her though >:|

“No.”

Sehun isn’t sure how much the new trainee understands him, but it looks like he definitely knows what no means. 

Zitao reaches out to grab his stick, the one he uses to do all his routines, from Sehun, but Sehun pulls it away. Zitao is stronger. Taller, too. He could take it easily with force, but Sehun is hoping he won’t.

“You’ve been doing the same routine for three hours. It’s 1 am. You need to sleep.”

Zitao’s face is clearly upset by this. Sehun wonders if he should call Luhan to translate. 

“Can’t. Need to finish,” Zitao says, words heavily accented. Sehun blinks. His Korean has improved considerably. 

“No,” Sehun says again, carefully, slowly. “Please, just, let’s go to bed, okay?” 

Sehun tries not to think about why he’s here in the first place, why he sat and watched Zitao do wushu for three hours which he could’ve spent doing literally anything else, tries not to think about the way Zitao’s arms flex as he makes another half hearted attempt to grab the stick, because he will blush, and he wants to avoid turning red in front of his- hushed voices, now- crush. Sehun cringes at the word crush. He sounds like a kid.

(He is a kid, but no one’s there to tell him that.)

“Please,” he asks again. He sets the stick down, carefully. 

Zitao considers him, and then something breaks. He nods.

“Okay,” he says, in English this time. It’s one of the few English words Sehun can recognize. Sehun stares at him awkwardly. He has no idea what to do now.

He’s jolted out of his inner crisis by Zitao’s hand clasping around his wrist. Sehun stares down at it, and stares back up, ready to explode, but his plans of detonating are interrupted by Zitao gently tugging him towards the door. 

Zitao, it turns out, knows exactly which dorm is Sehun’s, and he tugs him all the way there. They stare at each other again for a moment, before Zitao smiles (and holy fuck Sehun has ascended to another realm altogether), pats Sehun’s cheek, and leaves.

Sehun stands in front of his dorm door with a hand on his cheek, staring after Zitao, and wonders if he’ll go back to the wushu stick Sehun has so painstakingly managed to tug him away from. He thinks of the way Zitao had smiled at him.

Sehun doubts it.

\---

Sehun’s sitting in bed, reading a volume of poetry Zitao picked up for him from god knows where, when there’s a knock at his door. Well, not his door. He’s in Zitao’s room. 

The door swings open. 

“Hey,” Zitao says, and it’s gentle, quiet. “I thought you might be in here.” 

“Really?”, Sehun asks, and maybe his voice is slightly cold. “What tipped you off?” 

“Well,” Zitao says, stepping inside, letting his bag drop to the floor. He looks good. He always does. “The multiple texts you sent me threatening that you won’t go to sleep till I got back from practice, for one.” 

Sehun loosens. 

“Long day?”, he whispers, standing up, setting the book down. He steps closer to Zitao, giving in for once to the little voice in his head telling him to cross the line. 

“Yeah,” Zitao nods, and it’s apparent now that they’re this close, how Zitao has filled out over the past few months. Sehun’s only an inch or two shorter, but it feels like a lot more. “I just couldn’t get this one move right.” 

Sehun holds his arms open. A hug. He’s going to regret this in the morning, but right now, Zitao is in front of him, and Sehun will be damned if he lets his stupid heart get in the way of making Zitao feel better. 

“Hun-ah, I’m sweaty-”

“It’s okay.” 

No it’s not. Not the sweaty part, just this whole ordeal in general. Somewhere along the way, Sehun’s stupid little crush became something else entirely, and now it hurts to even breathe around Zitao, because he’s tried so hard to get Zitao to look at him, but Zitao never notices. 

Zitao, Zitao, Zitao. Can’t even go a few seconds in his thoughts without his name. 

Zitao steps forward, and gently pulls Sehun in. His head comes to rest on Sehun’s shoulder as Sehun’s arms hook themselves around his neck. 

“Tired?”, Sehun asks, and it’s nights like these where Zitao is more willing to let go, more willing to blur the line between them.

Zitao turns his head, and his lips are almost brushing across Sehun's neck when he whispers, "Yeah, the dancing is going to kill me."

A shudder runs through Sehun. He’s not built for this. Zitao tries to say something else, but Sehun is already pulling away, leading him to sit on the edge of the bed. 

Sehun looks down at Zitao, and Zitao looks right back up. Sehun’s gently clasping Zitao’s shoulder with one hand, the other running through his matted hair. 

Sehun sighs. 

“Sleep. You need it. Schedule starts early tomorrow.” 

There’s a measure of silence. Sehun’s eyes are soft and kind and resigned, like they always are, and Zitao’s are tired and exhausted, with something behind them that Sehun can’t place. Things have been shifting recently. 

“You worry too much about me,” Zitao whispers. Sehun feels a familiar emotion curl around his heart. Longing.

“Maybe I do.”

Sehun doesn’t know who leans in first, but he blinks, and then their faces are close enough for him to feel Zitao’s breath on his lips. It’s like there’s a supernova coursing through his veins, and his heart is pounding, because somewhere along the way Sehun must’ve fallen in love with Zitao, and it seems like Zitao’s finally noticed. 

And then they pull away. 

“No,” Sehun rasps out as he realises what almost just happened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I don’t- Sorry!”

He backs away, stumbling slightly, and all he wants to do is bolt out of the room, hide under his covers and cry. 

“Hun-ah,” Zitao tries, and Sehun tries not to let himself get consumed too fully by the nickname, but he freezes in his tracks anyways. 

“I- I should go,” Sehun mumbles. He can hear how thick his own voice is as he reaches for the doorknob, fidgeting without realising it. “Sleep well, Zitao.” 

Ignoring it will make it go away, right?

(That’s what he thought about his crush too.) 

“Hun-ah, please-” 

Zitao cuts off mid-sentence, but Sehun still pauses halfway through the door. He turns. Zitao takes a deep breath. 

“Stay,” as if that’s all he can manage.

Sehun can feel his hands start to tremble. 

“Okay.” 

As if it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

The way Sehun involuntarily shakes as he slips under the covers says something else. He tries to keep it under control, because Zitao is pressing up against him, but he can’t, not when so much has happened. 

They spend the night together. Nothing more than that. Just tangled on a bed. It's not like they haven't done it before, they have, a million times, but now it's different because when Zitao unconsciously hooks his arm around Sehun's waist, Sehun just curls up tightly.  
  


Sehun doesn’t sleep. He can’t. 

There is a moment, as Sehun cries silently into Zitao’s chest, when Zitao pulls him closer in his sleep. It hurts a little more, salt being sprinkled in his wounds, but Sehun is familiar with the quiet ache of having fallen for your best friend. 

He tries not to let his mind dwell on how they almost kissed, how it seemed like, for a second, Sehun was going to get everything he’d ever wanted. 

There’s no way that was ever going to happen. 

\---

  
  


Sehun leans down to kiss Zitao. 

“Please,” he whines, once he pulls away. “What are you even doing?” 

“Just sorting out some documents, sunshine.” 

Sehun peers curiously at the papers in front of him on the table, hands resting on Zitao’s shoulders, except Zitao lunges to cover them before he can make out anything except for “Maserati” and “ownership”. 

“It’s a surprise,” Zitao says, a little huffy. 

“Oh no,” Sehun deadpans. “A surprise. The last time anyone in this group tried to plan a surprise, the stove caught fire.” 

“Well, I think you’ll find that I am not Chanyeol. Definitely not lovesick Chanyeol trying to get Jongin’s attention.” 

Sehun snorts, remembering Chanyeol’s disastrous attempt at trying to cook.

“Are they dating? Are they not dating? What’s going on with them?”, he asks, slightly sing-song. 

“No idea, love. All I know is that Chanyeol keeps setting things on fire because of Jongin.” 

Sehun hums. He can’t really judge, considering how long it’d taken him and Zitao so long to figure their shit out.

“Take a break,” he demands. Zitao doesn’t respond, so Sehun squeezes his shoulders, massaging. “Come _on_ , Zitao, _please_ , you’ve been doing this for an hour.” 

Zitao leans back as Sehun’s fingers dig into the muscle at the junction of his neck and shoulders. Sehun smiles smugly. Zitao’s always been a sucker for a good massage. 

“Just a few more minutes, promise.”

“No. A break. Now.”

Sehun lets one of his hands sneak down to rest on Zitao’s chest, the other curling into Zitao’s hair. 

“Sehun-” 

“Please,” Sehun whispers, mouth against Zitao’s ear. He leans a little further, lips quirking up as Zitao tilts into it. 

“You’re horrible at the whole temptation thing,” Zitao mumbles, but he tilts his head back to let Sehun kiss up his jaw anyways. 

“It’s getting the job done,” Sehun says, and then Zitao’s standing, turning to face him. “Got you to leave your desk, didn’t it?” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Let me... _tempt_ you anyways?”, Sehun asks, head tilted to the side innocently, hands tugging at Zitao’s collar to pull him closer. 

Zitao doesn’t say anything, but Sehun supposes that being picked up and kissed is answer enough. 

\---

“And now, to Tao.”

Sehun takes a deep breath, eyes focusing on the hastily written letter. There’s the word “hyung” pencilled in right after Zitao’s name, circled so he won’t forget and sound disrespectful on broadcast. Sehun doesn’t say it. It’s too unnatural. 

“The one I always treat like a friend,” and Sehun chokes a bit on the words. Friend doesn’t exactly cut it. Neither does lover. Zitao is his, and he is Zitao’s and it seems like that is how it’s always been, and Sehun can’t think of what to call it, so he settles for friend, to explain why he’s not addressing Zitao with the honorifics he should. 

“We often spend time together.” 

They do, and Sehun thinks about the decisions he’s been pushing Zitao to make, thinks about how soon they won’t be able to, and he’s starting to tear up but he can’t, he can’t cry. 

“And I’m feeling empty without you today.” 

His voice almost cracks, but Sehun knows that if he breaks down now, Zitao will never leave. If Sehun cries on live broadcast, Zitao will stay and work himself to death on an injured leg, and Sehun can’t see that, not anymore. No. He has to keep his jaw set and keep going. 

“I hope you won’t get hurt anymore.” 

It feels, to Sehun, like this is goodbye, this is all he gets, at least publicly, to tell Zitao. There’s only so much he can say in five lines, but he’s hoping that each of them mean “I love you”, because that’s what he wants everyone watching to take away from it. That Sehun loves him. 

_“The one I always treat as a friend.”_

_(I love you, I love you, I love you)_

_“We often spend time together.”_

_(I love you, I love you, I love you)_

_“And I’m feeling empty without you today.”_

_(I love you, I’ll miss you, I love you)_

_“I hope you won’t get hurt anymore.”_

  
_  
(Take care of yourself, I love you, I love you.) _

And then once again, for good measure. 

“Wo ai ni, Tao.” 

_I love you._

\---

“Where is he?”, Sehun asks, starry eyed, as he bursts into the room. 

“Where- er, where is who?”, Chanyeol replies. Oh, he’s a _horrible_ liar.

“Stop fucking with me,” Sehun says, and even Chanyeol’s _terrible_ lying isn’t going to dampen his grin. “Oh, seriously, where is he? You’ve been trying to hide a big surprise all _week_ and as much as I _love_ you guys, and your attempts at surprise parties, I don’t think that’s all you’ve been hiding. And Zitao’s been busy recently, apparently. I’m not dumb, you know.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Chanyeol says, _still_ trying. Bless his heart. 

Jongin sighs from the other side of the room. 

“Zitao, the quicker you come out from behind the curtain, the quicker my boyfriend will stop embarrassing himself.” 

Sehun turns, hearing the rustle of the curtains, and _squeals_ when he catches sight of Zitao, sheepishly emerging, a bouquet in hand and what looks like a tiny present in the other. It’s kind of embarrassing, but he really doesn’t care. Zitao’s here. 

“Hello,” Sehun says, quietly, almost swallowed up by his smile. And then he’s charging forwards, ready to jump into Zitao’s arms, because holy shit, they haven’t seen each other in forever. He hasn’t held him in _forever_. 

“Hun-ah, _no-_ ”, Zitao starts, panicking over the well-being of the items he’s holding. It’s too late though, and when Sehun jumps, fully putting all his weight in Zitao’s arms, he has no choice but to drop the flowers and the gift. 

Sehun’s laugh makes up for it. Sehun always makes up for it. 

“I made cake, by the way, if you ever decide to let the poor man go,” Jongin says, playing at being annoyed, but him and Chanyeol share the same look of fondness as they watch the two of them. 

Sehun sticks his tongue out at him, and then laughs, again. He doesn’t intend to let go of Zitao for a very, very long time. 

That’s okay. Zitao will understand. 

He always does. 

**Author's Note:**

> and that's a wrap on this one !!! u didn't hear it from me but the little present is a ring oooh wonder what that does,,, also yes i thought sehun should also get to celebrate his birthday w jongin sourced cake on alu day 
> 
> thank u for reading !!! i hope u all (esp alu) enjoyed !!!!!!!!!
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hztwsx) and [tumblr](https://taohun.tumblr.com).


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